Vault Storyworks, LLC: April 2024

Happy belated New Year to all of you who’ve hung on with me with me this long! If you didn’t notice, I’ve started another publication titled “Monster in Fine Arts,” where I work through some creative writing instruction and document the writing process for my new project. Please join me over there, if you’ve got the notion for some literary commotion (sorry).

I’m also hoping to join a website as a contributor, so bear with me while a unleash this fairly straight-laced review as a practice run. I would’ve loved to have had time to throw in an analysis of female persecution at the hands of the Knights Templar and compare this take on a Lithuanian legend to the ones in nearby Estonia, but, alas. Time is short, and so am I.

Charity Bjornsdotter is the envy of her small village in Civil War-era Montana. She’s set to marry Paul—the most dashing and charming man around for miles. Unfortunately for Charity, her shiny new husband has a dark side. Unfortunately for Paul, Charity’s is darker.

Befriended by a local wolf with unusual power, Charity finds herself trapped between an abusive marriage and the allure of the forest. She slaves over her domestic duties day after day, while Paul downs whisky and canoodles with all the single women in town. As if that weren’t bad enough, Paul becomes increasingly irate over the growing population of wolves in the surrounding forest, using it as a reason to keep Charity under lock and key. Things come to a head when Paul appoints himself judge and executioner for the local canines and Charity is forced into action to protect her one true friend.

Wifwulf is the brain child of artist Dailen Ogden, who is joined by comic-writing duo Jackson Lanzing and Collin Kelly. The story itself is based on the Lithuanian folk goddess Medeinė, aka the “Forest Mother.” She serves as the guardian of the forest and goes after those who intend to do it harm. It’s by way of this legend that the connection between womanhood and the wild points to repression by man’s domination, but this story also shows one can bounce back from abuse to become someone stronger than before.

Ogden’s art in the book is hauntingly beautiful, and anyone should be loath to miss it.

Indeed, comic writer Jody Houser describes Wifwulf as “a lucious, vicious fever dream of a fairy tale,” and I cannot think of a better description.

But remember this: if you fuck with nature, she will fuck with you.

The countdown to Christmas feels pretty fracking bleak this year—mass shootings around the world, a legendary director stabbed (allegedly) by his methed-up son, and widespread layoffs, all overshadowed by seemingly never-ending wars. Or maybe you don’t watch the news? I love that for you.

(Quick disclaimer: obviously this isn’t a book review. I had planned on penning something for Elliot Gish’s Grey Dog, but I hated the ending so much that I threw the book right back into the library return bin without so much as an au revoir, bitch. Have you experienced something similar with a book, recently?)

Anywho, I don’t think this shit show of a timeline is far enough from the start of the pandemic, which is when the family friendly-ish gem of a movie Psycho Goreman was released. Not much was on my radar in 2020, and this Canadian horror comedy definitely missed me. Late to the party, as usual.

I will say, though, that this campy splatter fest dropped into my life when I needed it most…call it providence.

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In the quickest summary I can muster, Psycho Goreman presents a quirky pair of siblings Mimi and Luke, who stumble upon the port-a-prison of a condemned alien demon. Psycho Goreman, or PG for short, is controlled by an amulet Mimi removes from the pen by happenstance. So, instead of following his vision of torching the Earth, PG is forced to do all of Mimi’s deranged bidding. The movie is as hilarious as it is absurd.

Early on in the film, PG tells the kids his backstory and how it (kinda?) led to his transformation into a destroyer of worlds. He takes us to a bleak flashback of him wrapped in chains, performing meaningless manual labor in what looks like a prison yard of the damned. He goes on to explain how he was enslaved by overlords known as the Templars, who claim to have a direct connection with God. PG was able to break his chains and wage unholy warfare on his planet after digging up the mythical “Gem Of Peraxadyke.” With PG on the loose, the Templars grasp at any opportunity to send him to Hell.

Yes, this is a bit on-the-nose in referencing the Knights Templar, forcing the scope of the story into allegory, which, in case you missed this, is pointed out by Mimi busting a crucifix over her knee during the rising action. Even I blushed at that. And as the guardian of the amulet, Mimi struggles with deciding to relinquish the power back to her pet monster or listen to established reason and turn it over to the Templars.

So, our young protagonist has to make a choice between evil and, uh, more evil.

I think this choice is one we’re often forced to make: choose stability even to our autonomy’s detriment, or risk death or displacement in hopes of rebuilding a better, free society. When push comes to shove, the answer isn’t so clear. And we know most folks would go with the status quo and break up rocks alongside everyone else.

But honestly, what is a fate worse than death?

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Atlantic Books: London, 2023.

All right, so you can tell from the get-go we’re not about to discuss some highfalutin prose. You weren’t here for that, anyway.

The bored, gay werewolf in question is Brian—an alcohol-dependent 20-something stuck in a self-destructive cycle of drunken benders and doom scrolling on his phone all day.

Unfortunately, he’s an even sloppier werewolf.

After his most recent blunder of tearing apart some bloke in the park, Brian is confronted by his worst nightmare: a blonde, entrepreneurial werewolf bro (bro-wolf?) hellbent on using Brian to build a monetized self-help community of other lycanthropes poised to “level up” to the highest ranks of the wolf-manosphere. (As if being a literal wolf isn’t macho enough…) Brian is pleased with the results of the bro-wolf’s teachings, at first, but he quickly realizes he’s in too deep to escape with any shred of integrity. He’s going to need help.

What debut author (surprise!) Santorella excels in with the story is character development. From our shitshow of a hero, Brian, to his two friends from the restaurant at which he waits tables, each character’s personality is defined and interacts with the others naturally, which is perfect for a buddy novel. This made me realize how I’ve noticed a fair few younger authors struggle with dialogue, but hey, who actually talks to anyone anymore? Luckily for us, this author nails authentic speech.

And honestly, I can overlook a lot of shortcomings if the characters are relatable. Alas, shortcomings were indeed found. In fact, I recommend reading this one and skipping the last chapter (15) entirely if you don’t want to be triggered by what might be the most hackneyed ending I’ve ever laid eyes on. The finale comes off as an attempt to close some minor plot holes, but the very end of a story is not the place to do this. This ain’t no Murder, She Wrote.

Otherwise, Bored Gay Werewolf is a snappy, enjoyable critique of toxic masculinity and the digital manosphere (looking at you, Joe). It also gives a nod to all those “coming out” stories from the past few decades. I can imagine Brian’s father saying, "Your mother doesn’t care that you’re gay, but she just doesn’t understand the lycanthropy, son." The parallels have already been drawn between shapeshifting and sexuality, and werewolves/monsters in general have always served as a stand-in for social issues. Hell, that’s why we have horror in the first place.

Monsters are, and will forever be, a safe space.

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To anyone who was wondering: we’ll be returning to our regular werewolf programming shortly. Just a quick note, though, in the older stories witches were often depicted working alongside shapeshifters and often the lycanthropes were witches themselves.

Has the man got you down?

Is the pressure to conform crushing your dreams?

Throw your inhibitions (and your clothes) to the wind and join a coven! Hex patriarchy and have fun doing it. 💀💀💀

15-year-old Fern has few options after getting pregnant in the pre-Roe South. Her parents are ashamed by their daughter and drag her to a home for unwed mothers, which lies deep somewhere in the sweaty armpit of Florida. Frustrated by being scorned by her family and controlled by a league of tyrannical adults, she’s drawn to an unusual librarian who proffers her a book of spells.

Fern finds herself forced between choosing to rejoin the status quo and seizing upon an unnatural power for herself.

Witchcraft for Wayward Girls is Grady Hendrix’s eighth novel in a relatively short amount of time. And I’m obliged to tell you it’s fucking fantastic….it’s the kind of book that you offer to make a sandwich for after you’re done reading it.

Hendrix’s main protagonist is painfully relatable in the sense that women and girls are brought up to be people pleasers and uphold societal values—the last type of person who jettisons a rural community into chaos. Hendrix develops this concept of identity right away, as Fern isn't allowed to use her first name upon arriving at Wellwood House. It doesn’t stop there, Fern finds her very identity challenged on multiple fronts.

The story also shows us some brutal birthing scenes. The girls in the house are subjected to suffer the experience alone, stripped of the community of wise women who once controlled the narrative on birthing babies. Indeed, modern birth is often anesthetized and void of female relationships. Hendrix is keen on this fact. The coven of witches, on the other hand, offers Fern a substitute for lost female camaraderie.

She must decide if the cure is worse than the ailment.

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Orbit (Hachette), NY: February 2025

Picture it: 17th century Britain. A witch, a goblin, and a verdant river hag named Jenny set off on an epic adventure. The quest: collect three magical trinkets in hopes of defeating an all-powerful foe in hopes of saving the heart of the British Isles.

As a Yankee unfamiliar with the likes of this particular British b…

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Why, hello there.

Coming back to Books that Bite after a year-long maternity leave feels like putting on a pair of shoes that no longer fit—wobbly and unsure of my footing. Admittedly, after the birth of my son I was unable to digest any of the new horror reads that I stocked up on in anticipation of some free time…

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TORDOTCOM: October 2023

147 pages

Honest talk: how feasible is it to force a Restoration-period dark fantasy into a mere 100+ pages? Many reviewers are asking the same thing in response to Lina Rather’s newest release A Season on Monstrous Conceptions, which I saw positively covered in the current edition of Rue Morgue.

While the “magical girl” narrative i…

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Hello, friends—

I’m just tickled to bring you another subject after a long, health-necessitated sabbatical. I won’t be as productive as before with posting, but that’s the way the dog biscuit crumbles.

Worlds apart from the abysmal state of current affairs, you’d do well to take a minute to feast your eyes on the ethe…

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Halloween is almost upon us, and now the Hunter’s Moon hangs in the cold, starless sky above. May your candy coffers outlast the hordes of children who parade up and down the neighborhood streets this Hollow’s Eve!

I’ve been a devoted reader of Rue Morgue magazine for some time now, and I was especially impressed by this year’s massive October edition. N…

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September’s Harvest Moon signals the true arrival of autumn in the northern climes. The hellscape of 80/90-degree days has passed, and it’s finally time to enjoy all the apple and squash varieties our local orchards can throw at us. After reading this short piece on some furry Felicias, please take a moment to step outside and bask in all the season’s g…

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It seems rather fitting that August has two full moons this year as the month has been absolutely bananas for me. I was at the 13^th annual Michigan Paranormal Convention this past weekend, which took place at the Kewadin Casino in Sault St. Marie (say “yah” to da U.P., eh?).

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Tor Nightfire: May 2023

112 pages

As I reader, I often find myself in a rut of reading the same time of thing by the same type of author time and time again. I’m a conservative consumer and my time is valuable. So, when I initially read the premise of Cassandra Khaw’s sophomore novella The Salt Grows Heavy, I gave it …

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Tor Nightfire: June 2023

288 pages

With the near-total domination that serial killer documentaries and dramas have over streaming platforms, it’s to be expected this premise would creep its way back into horror lit. The only rub here is most horror readers these days are too sophisticated for the trite “psycho white male” who stalks women all over town wi…

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Many moons ago, I was camping in northern Michigan with my family. It was during a hike when we came across a pool of spawning lake sturgeon. I was shocked at the massive size of the fish and wondered how happy one of the local bears would be if she were to pluck one out of the water for a snack. August’s full moon is named after this giant dinosaur fis…

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Zando: March 2023

327 pages

Opening any story with the death of a child ought to set a somber tone that steeps the plot in sadness and colors every following interaction. So, it’s highly unusual to have such a story that actually inspires hope. Debut novelist Gerardo Sámano Córdova (Go Blue!) spins a quirky tale that jumps from New York City to Mexico Cit…

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Umbra Press: April 2023

166 pages

I love a good (or bad) monster story. Sometimes, the good guys win and sometimes they don’t, but no one really cares about that bit. It’s all about the blood-soaked visuals.

And the visuals in Matt Kurtz’s new book Shock Waves did not let me down.

This 100+ page nugget takes us back to the late 80s, to teenage putz and an…

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Good morning and a good day on this Buck Moon! We’ve slid past Midsummer and now find our days whittling themselves down—the night will again rule the skies, soon enough. For this month’s piece, I wanted to compare Stephen King’s werewolf novella with its 80s-tastic film adaptation. Come embrace the warm fuzzies of nostalgia with me as we …

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In times as hard-pressed as these, it’s enough to be entertained without arduous social commentary or unconventional storytelling. And it’s when you get back to basics that we see the true masters shine.

Not just any master, but Word Horror Grandmaster and TEN-TIME Bram Stoker Award Winner Joe R. Lansdale recently released the 43-page nugget Shooting Star

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HarperCollins: May 2023

400 pages

In the never-ending scramble to add to the epic TBR pile, one might eschew any retellings or spinoffs of canonical works. Well, I’m here to tell you to fuck that. Fuck it with a pointy stick.

Case in point: Our Hideous Progeny is the brilliant debut novel from C.E. McGill—the concept of which was conjured over…

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We’ve made it to June’s Strawberry Moon and here in the northern climes, we’re itching to get outside to roll in the green grass. (Pro tip: avoid doing so in dog parks.) Speaking of fruit, I can’t imagine how excited our featured author is to see the fruits of his labor materialize into a print version of his webcomic, which is set to be released next m…

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